i never understood why you cry so much.

i feel guilty, but who am i to think that im the cause of it all?

emotional yes, but everytime i hear that you cried this day or another at some place, i dont like it. dunno if you remember me saying that i dont like girls to cry. although i dont say it, i dont feel good.

i feel responsible. and i try to see what i can do about things. i thought i knew what is probably the underlying problem, and sought to remedy it as much as i can. so far, no results.

i wonder if im losing it. losing the feeling. i'm starting to question myself. i'm confused. i'm talking to people and i've received mixed replies. i don't know what to do.

why do these have to happen?

there's so much i don't know that i really want to know. damn it.







i thought i'd be able to rush back in time to salvage the situation.

i've been thinking all these time.

i want to tell you.

i keep getting misunderstood.

i try my best to lift things up but find myself falling deeper.

what is wrong?

me compromising too much?

me doing my best to make u happy?

is that it?

that i don't know what's best for you no matter how hard i try to think?

my inability to insist made me weak?

my obsessiveness with your happiness made me fear your every action?

that your every little reaction causes a multiplied effect on me?

that i've kept silent for too long and it attributed to your insecurity?

i don't know.

i envisioned and worked towards happiness and bliss for us.

but it all turned out differently.

never really thought about 'your fault' or 'my fault'.

when there's a problem or i see a problem, i try to resolve it immediately.

oversensitive? or is it me being too insensitive?

your attitude tells me that whatever i have to say will not achieve the desired effect i hoped.

im sorry i failed.







and i forgot to add..


i love you.















even if you don't understand what i'm going through.







nobody believes me.

i feel your pain.

i want to relieve you of it.

i can't.

i suck.

i'm fked.

somebody tell me what's wrong with me.







I know it's probably too late to make amends. I only hope you'll be happy in the future to come, wherever, whenever, with whoever. All your questions will be answered, that I can assure you, together with whatever ends you wish to tie up. I know when I'm not worthy.. For whatever it may be, I'll be here for you. All the best to you :)







fark it. It's time i grow some balls and be like a man. I want my happiness back.







Another long hiatus, and I'm back here once again. Guess nobody bothers to check anymore.

You can call me an escapist, but I'm much too troubled to think right now. Past 5mths have been like a roller coaster ride.. Really happy times, and really sad periods.. I thought my life would settle down after BMT, realized I was wrong. To be honest, I have absolutely no clue what has gone wrong in my life, I just know that it's going down the drain. (like what else's new?)

I love you. I know I do. I try not to think too much abt it, but no matter what I'm still conscious of my feelings. You don't believe it, what can I do? There's so much proving to do. I don't want to do it anymore.. I don't dare look through the all stuff you've given me, don't dare to look at our photos, I don't want to cry. You think I'm happy with my life now? No I'm not. You know I'm a master at masking my emotions. Right now, I'm just gonna let time just pass by, and see how things go.

Falling in love with u was not my mistake, giving u false hope for the future was. All those talk about marriage and stuff, I meant them, but now it all seems like false hopes for you, pipe dreams that will never come true.. I was too naive, I sincerely apologize for that. It's probably too late for that now, but I'm saying it nevertheless.










4weeks gone. So much has happened, so much has changed.
Maybe this was the kind of life I was destined for.
Maybe I've been dreaming too much in school.
Maybe life in the army shook me awake from my slumber.
Maybe there're just too many maybes that I don't even know what's what.


life's shitty.

I am me.
Livestrong, treasure every moment
Don't leave space for regrets
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